MAKE OTHER PEOPLE FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES

I often talk and teach on “SELF” responsibility, and I ignore the very real role that others, especially those who are close to us, play in our peace, confidence, sense of being enough, etc. I know I seem to put all the blame or responsibility on someone’s SELF treatment, SELF view, SELF talk and so on. While I am well aware that it’s ultimately not someone else’s responsibility to “make us feel” any certain way. It is OUR responsibility to develop positive self belief. I am also very aware that we do have a responsibility to treat others in such a way that fosters security in them, peace in them, love in them, and feelings of empowerment, especially in romantic relationships. And I have this view, though this doesn’t remove the very real responsibility we have to each other in helping foster those good vibes.

I say all the time, “You can’t make me feel good or bad about myself without my permission.” Technically that’s not entirely true. Have you ever had someone say something to you that really hurt you? Or have you ever been treated a certain way that made you feel “less than”? Or, let’s be really honest here, have YOU ever said something to someone that hurt them? Or have you ever treated someone in a certain way that made them feel less then? I am sure you have. I have. I have been both the victim and the perpetrator. It’s called life. And sometimes, in fact, most times it’s not intentional. But the reality is that hurting people hurt people, and sometimes we’ve hurt people and don’t even realize we’ve done so. We are completely unaware. And this is true of everyone, even good, well meaning people. We say or do things and don’t have much of a thought on just how it’s being received. Why? Well because we weren’t intending to be hurtful, therefor we weren’t hurtful. But that isn’t true. It still hurts someone even when we didn’t mean for it to hurt them.

I talk a lot about being self aware, and just how important it is to be self aware, but I am also seeing how many of us just aren’t very self aware. I have literally been talking to someone who had breath so bad it could kill a horse, and yet they joke about other people’s bad breath. Fascinating. I have talked with people who have talked so much about their narcissistic EX, yet I am seeing so many narcissistic traits in them. It’s the pot calling the kettle black. And we ALL DO IT, including me. If you are having trouble maintaining happy healthy relationships, maybe, just maybe it’s you? Don’t ya think it’s at least possible? I mean isn’t it possible that all the faults you see in others so easily that you carry some of those same faults? Call me crazy here, but maybe we aren’t perfect after all.

HOW TO LOOK WITHIN

I have been giving this a lot of thought lately. How can I really recognize my own faults, my own bias, my own errors in thinking? I think there are a few things to look at, one is to reflect on how your life is going. If you're failing in any area of your life, maybe it’s not the government’s fault, it’s not the narcissistic boyfriend/girlfriend’s fault, or the city you live in, maybe it’s not your Boss, or anyone. Maybe it’s YOU.

True story: one time I was at the gym and I noticed this guy working out near me smelled sour. Like really bad. It was a distraction the entire time I was at the gym. Finally I left and realized when I got in my car that the sour smelling guy was apparently in my car, ha ha ha … it was me. The whole time I am blaming someone else for stinking, yet come to find out it was me who smelled. I think far too often we want to blame someone else for stinking, to only find out we are the source of the bad smell, not someone else.

BOTTOM LINE

Give some thought into how you treat other people. Maybe when things are stinky, it’s you, not someone else. Reflect on your life honestly, set your EGO aside and be honest, and be able to acknowledge specific areas in your life that could and should be better.

If you are like me, which I am sure you are, I want to make people feel good about themselves, as much as I can. And yes, ultimately people should be in charge of their own emotions! But, I can contribute to someone’s self image for sure. And I want to contribute to people’s feeling of wellbeing.

LET’S GET PRACTICAL … MARRIAGE

If you are married, then make it a top priority to not only take care of yourself and live your authentic life, but adore your partner. Do things to them and for them that will lift their spirits, make them feel powerful, alive, things that will make them feel like they are more than enough and could do anything their heart’s desire. Encourage them to pursue their dreams. Compliment them with both words and actions. Never take them for granted. Have lots of sex. And not just vanilla sex, make it special, wear lingerie (if they like that) light candles, put a mirror on the ceiling if necessary. Make sure you keep the novelty of it all. Keep it fresh, interesting, exciting, and fun. Surprise them with things they like. Constantly chase each other. Love is an action, not just a choice or feeling … love is doing something. Make time for each other.

Research as shown that when you do things for your partner that make them feel special they will find you MORE attractive and everyone else LESS attractive. You protect your marriage and yourself by being vigilant, intentional, and interesting.