Don't Let Ministry Kill You
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This month Mercy Church (formerly known as
Olathe Life Fellowship) celebrates its 10th Anniversary. I almost
wanted to say, “Mercy Church survives 10 years of ministry by the grace of God!”
On some level that is totally true! Sometimes that’s just how ministry feels …
almost like running a marathon. It’s extremely rewarding and euphoric at times,
but also difficult and grueling. It’s been a wonderful 10 years, though my hope
and prayer is that the next 10 are even more fruitful.
I am a part of a wonderful church planting
organization called ARC (Association of Related Churches) based out of
Birmingham, Alabama. Because of that relationship I get calls from young
soon-to-be church planters/pastors asking me to share the wisdom from my
experience of planting a church 10 years ago and we are still up and running.
I am not sure if what I have to share would
be considered wisdom, but I have learned some things, though not
all good, but it is my experience, my journey of planting a church. So here you
go, a few things I’ve learned over the 10 years of being a pastor, church
planter, teacher, leader, friend, counselor, wedding officiant, administrator,
visionary, financial planner, strategist, and most importantly - husband,
father and of course Christ-follower!
1) It’s easy to lose your family in
the maze of ministry!
Don’t! It’s just not
worth it. Your family is more important! Please don’t forget that! Fortunately
I have kept my marriage and my family, but it hasn’t been easy, and not without
some battle wounds. You have heard it said a million times, “your #1 ministry
is YOUR FAMILY!” Live like that is true, because it is.
2) Try to keep your ego out of it.
Early on I really struggled with
this one, actually I’m not really so sure I struggled
with it; I just let my ego run wild. It’s hard to do and I’m not so sure I am
doing so good at it now, but I know I am way beyond where I was years ago! Age
and experience has a way of refining you, if you let it.
I believe that if you can keep your
ego out of it you will see the success you dream about sooner than later.
3) Be careful how you define success.
I come from a church culture that
defines success in numbers. And for a church that is Attendance and Offering
numbers. If those are up and growing, then you are a success, if not, than you
are not a success.
And what sucks is that as much as
we say, “I don’t care about the numbers!” We do care, and the line we always
use to justify this obsession is, “numbers equal people and we care about
people … plus there is an Old Testament Book of the Bible named Numbers!” Ha
ha! On one hand I get it, and we count every Sunday both attendance and
offering to see where we are, and that’s okay. We want to be good stewards! BUT
if you get your value and sense of well-being from those numbers, something is
seriously out of whack.
If you want to get Biblical about
it, just look at various characters in the Bible who didn’t seem to have the “numbers”
or the “success” but were following God’s perfect plan for their lives and
ministry, i.e. Jeremiah is a good one.
Obviously, our churches should be
pursuing growth, especially if it’s reaching people for Christ! But, in my
humble opinion I believe that our
success should be defined by three things:
I.
Our personal relationship with God.
II.
Our relationship with our spouse.
III.
Our person relationship with others.
4)
You can’t make
everyone happy.
I have tried, and it is the one
thing in life that I have conceded is in fact impossible. It doesn’t matter
what you do, you’ll never make everyone happy. If you do contemporary worship
some will love it, some will not. (I know, hard to believe!) If you preach
verse by verse some will love it, some will not. If you preach topical, some
will love it, some will not. Some will like the new staff member, others will
not. Some will like the church structure, others will not. On and on we go.
Bottom line, your church cannot
make everyone happy, so don’t even try.
5) Be who God called you to be.
Yet another area I struggled with
early on in ministry. And frankly, I still wrestle with knowing just who I am.
But early on I tried to be Rick Warren (although a skinnier version (I don’t
mean that mean, it’s just what popped into my mind, so I typed it … lol!) I
tried to be Andy Stanley, Bill Hybels, Joel Osteen, Timothy Keller, Chris
Hodges, (add successful famous pastor’s
name here) and it just didn’t work.
I did and do actually preach my own
original sermons each week (maybe that’s the problem – lol!) so I never got in
to preaching other pastors material, but I tried to be like them in other ways,
and it just didn’t work. I am Timmy Gibson, a unique and special individual,
just like you are unique and have that special something that only you have. Be
you, and I promise you won’t have to try as hard!
6) Love Jesus.
Thankfully this is one area that’s
been easy for me, probably because of my strong Christian heritage. I love
Jesus more today than ever. Unfortunately I have seen many pastors fall by the
wayside for some reason or another. Usually sin. I don’t know how else to say
it, but simply love Jesus a lot! Let it be the one thing that is constant about
you and your life. People will appreciate it more than a lot of other things
you could do for them.
And by “loving Jesus” I am talking
about doing whatever it takes to maintain a close relationship with Him! You
won’t regret it.
7) Constantly ask yourself, “Why am I doing
this?”
And answer HONESTLY! Sometimes we
do good things for the WRONG reasons. Be careful, it’s easy to do. Too many pastors
do what they do more for their ego then they do for God or people. I know this
because I’ve been there.
8) Find community outside your church.
I’ve made friends in our church,
and have lost friends in our church! Ouch! Ministry is painful. Everyone wants
to be your friend (at least they think they do). But the reality is that most
people can’t handle it, even in a culture like ours where who I am on Sunday is
who I am during the week still doesn’t work to have close friends from the
congregation. I have even had people seek my friendship and when they don’t get
it leave the church. Ha ha! I’m not totally sure why friendships don’t work
with those inside the church, it just doesn’t.
There are exceptions to the rule, I
do have a couple friends who have been mature enough to be our friends and
congregation members at the same time, but normally this never works out. This
doesn’t mean you can’t have a relationship with someone in the church, but a
close friendship is pretty impossible. Here is one reason; if and when they
leave your church it is incredible difficult to not take it personal … especially
when they have told you, “I would never leave you or your church … unless you
killed someone, then I might leave.” And next thing you know, they leave.
So, be careful and look for friends
outside your local church, and having other pastors as friends can be helpful
too … only if they are awesome!
9) To be a pastor you must be called to do it.
Don’t do it because you think it
will be cool. Ha ha! First, it’s not cool! Secondly, you won’t last unless you
are called to do it.
10) Have
fun!
Ministry should be enjoyable. I had
fun the first several years, then as ministry got tough and people got
difficult I stopped having fun. And what is sad is that I am normally a really
fun guy who loves to laugh and have a good time. Ministry sucked that out of
me. And I went through a season of funk that wasn’t fun. Not for me, my wife,
my kids or those who worked with me. Actually the whole church culture began to
shift from a from place to a not so fun place. That led to hiring some
not-so-fun people that would’ve never been hired in our fun phase. Of course I had
to fire them so we could begin getting our fun culture back. It’s taken a
while, but we’re back, thank God!
Here’s the deal, just like most
things in life there is a side of it (whatever “it” is) that we love and enjoy,
then there is another side that isn’t so enjoyable. Not that it is bad in any
way, there is just a fun part and a not so fun part. It’s life. It’s like a child;
there are a lot of wonderful things about having children. But with that comes
poopy diapers that need to be changed, dirty butts that need to be wiped, etc. It’s
just part of it. Church is no different! There are things about it I absolutely
love, and there is the other. What I have learned to do is to remember to focus
on the things I love. You should too! And don’t allow anything to rip the fun
out of ministry.
My prayers are with you!
