Good Grief Continued
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Painting By Tom Matt (www.tommatt.com)
Losing someone isn’t something you just ‘get over’ but you ‘get
through’ and that is just it, you must get through it, and go through it,
because you’ll never ‘get over it’ completely. You’ll always miss that person,
and even hurt at times about them being gone. I still miss my sister, and still
cry at times about it. But I know that she would want me to go on and live my
life to the fullest.
There are weird emotions that go on in and around this whole death thing, on one hand
you feel obligated to be sad that they are gone because to not be sad or hurt
seems to not honor their passing. Almost like, “if I’m not sad, then I don’t
miss them or love them.” It’s like when people say, “I worry about you,” it’s
almost like they are saying, “I love you, or I care about you.” And to not worry
is to not love or care. Maybe it’s the same here, we feel that to not be sad or
keep hurting for those who have passed is to not love or care. And maybe we
feel to not keep hurting is to forget them? Of course this is not the case!
Getting through the pain of losing someone is not forgetting them, it’s really the
best way we can remember and even honor them and their life. Living our life
well in memory of them is the best gift we can give them and the world we live
in.
To help me I can only think of what I might want for those
who survive me when I die. I want them to miss me, sure! But I do not want them
to miss me so much that they cease to live life. I wouldn’t want my family or friends
to shut down emotionally, and just cry about my being gone. I hope they would
shed a tear, of course, even belly-cry initially, but I would want them to go
on. I can honestly say that if I died tomorrow (which I pray I do not!) I would
eventually want my wife and very best friend of 20 years to re-marry. Not a
month after my passing, lol! But eventually I would want her to find a
wonderful man to love her and love my children. It would be selfish to wish anything else. And trust me I haven’t always felt this way.
WHERE AM I TODAY
I am doing well, and with each day I continue to process
through the loss. It’s fascinating that through this whole process I have
become, in general, more thankful. I am thankful for each breath I breathe! I find
myself thinking, even when things that would normally stress me out, it
could always be worse! I am also aware that life is so very precious and I
should live each moment with gratitude in my heart!
